zambezi
July 6th, 2005, 08:34 PM
OK here's the disclaimer....NON of the below are endorsed by the postee, ie ME...Guys don't you ever dare say I do nothing for you, these are specifically targeted towards men's humour, Girls as you have probably guessed this was passed on to me by someone mentally challenged (A MaN!)
1. Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the
toilet.
2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The
swallow.
3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Call her.
4. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and
use a lubricant.
8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the *****
cook in the dark.
9.What''s the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One''s
mad cow disease; the other''s an agricultural problem.
10. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it''s good for the
dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she''s been
told twice already.
12. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened
by the time she brings it in.
13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has
a positive side.
16. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2)
Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman
17. Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the
bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They''re both fun to ride until your
friends find out.
19. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her
how to work it.
20. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of
blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
21. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she''s
given her last blow job.
22. What''s the difference between a ***** and a whore? A whore sleeps
with everyone at the party while a ***** sleeps with everyone at the party
except you.
23. What''s the difference between your wife and your job? After 10
years the job still sucks.
24. What''s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
25. Why is the space between a women''s breasts and her hips called a waist"? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
26. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off,
you wonder where her tits went.
27. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
28. Why did the woman cross the road? What''s the ***** doing out of the
kitchen in the first place?!
29. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? ''cause it doesn''t
need cleaning yet.
30. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your
wallet than on your ****
1. Why did God create woman? To carry semen from the bedroom to the
toilet.
2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The
swallow.
3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Call her.
4. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and
use a lubricant.
8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the *****
cook in the dark.
9.What''s the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One''s
mad cow disease; the other''s an agricultural problem.
10. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it''s good for the
dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
11. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she''s been
told twice already.
12. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened
by the time she brings it in.
13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
have you done wrong? Made her chain too long.
14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!
15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has
a positive side.
16. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2)
Telephone 3) Tel-a-woman
17. Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the
bush, shoot more than once, and they eat what they shoot.
18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They''re both fun to ride until your
friends find out.
19. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her
how to work it.
20. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of
blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
21. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she''s
given her last blow job.
22. What''s the difference between a ***** and a whore? A whore sleeps
with everyone at the party while a ***** sleeps with everyone at the party
except you.
23. What''s the difference between your wife and your job? After 10
years the job still sucks.
24. What''s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
25. Why is the space between a women''s breasts and her hips called a waist"? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
26. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off,
you wonder where her tits went.
27. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
28. Why did the woman cross the road? What''s the ***** doing out of the
kitchen in the first place?!
29. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? ''cause it doesn''t
need cleaning yet.
30. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your
wallet than on your ****