jokes !!!!!!

[yassrey]

post any joke that you think its funny:lmao:


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ÞÇá : ÃÔæå Åäí ßäÊ ãÓæí ÊÎÝíÖ !!!

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ÈÏæí Ãæá ãÑÉ íÏÎá ÇáÏíÓßæ ...

ØáÈ æíÓßí æ ÈíÖ Úíæä !!!!!!

[KRaK]

1) A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good, thank you"

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?"

"What I asked for.... the English girl?!"

"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a GIRL!!!"


2) Sardarji buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Sardarji says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied,

"No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

Sardarji said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

Sardarji, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"



3) It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be pr epared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's definitely going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

4) Two complete strangers, a man and a woman, are traveling by train. To their total bewilderment and disappointment, the two learn that all of the compartments are full except for one.

After getting over their embarrassment, the man decides to get the top bunk and the woman gets the bottom bunk. They quickly fall asleep. Half way through the night, the man wakes up, taps the woman on the shoulder, and says, "I'm cold. Can you go get me a blanket?"

The woman says, "Just for tonight, how about we pretend that we're married?" The man, surprised but pleased, says, "OK!"

Then the woman replies, "All right, now get up and get your own damn blanket!"

5) Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done th e right thing

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

6) An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .

The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

"Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

"Alright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent.

The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

7) The night before her wedding bride pulled her mother aside for an intimate little chat.

"Mom," she confided, "I want you to tell me how I can make my new husband happy."

The bride's mother took a deep breath and started advise, "Well, my child, when two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing."

"I know how to do intercourse, Mom," interrupted the girl. "I want you to teach me how to make Parathas."

No Wonder Teachers Go "Crazy" With Children...


TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. No w do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta
got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."

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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

[NaSSty99]

funny jokes :lmao: