BikeMaster
October 1st, 2007, 03:00 AM
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed
away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the
casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the
casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the
woman is actually alive!
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again
held and, at the end of the service, the pallbearers are once
more carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband shouts,
"Watch out for the wall!"
*******************************
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which
reads:
Cheese Sandwich: = $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: = $2.50
Hand Job: = $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the
bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive
blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!
***********************************
An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so
they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong
with them.
They see the doctor and explain the memory problems they've been
having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are
physically fine but might want to start writing things down to
help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair.
"Where are you going?" asks his wife.
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks.
"Sure," he says.
She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember."
"I'll remember," he says
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries on top," she says. "You
had better write that down cause I know you'll forget."
"I can remember that," he says, as he begins to lose his
patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream on top," she adds, "I know you'll
forget that, so you'd better write it down."
Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I'll
remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her
a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment
and says,
"You forgot my toast."
******************************
away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the
casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the
casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the
woman is actually alive!
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again
held and, at the end of the service, the pallbearers are once
more carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband shouts,
"Watch out for the wall!"
*******************************
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which
reads:
Cheese Sandwich: = $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: = $2.50
Hand Job: = $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the
bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive
blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am"
The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!
***********************************
An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so
they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong
with them.
They see the doctor and explain the memory problems they've been
having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are
physically fine but might want to start writing things down to
help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair.
"Where are you going?" asks his wife.
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks.
"Sure," he says.
She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember."
"I'll remember," he says
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries on top," she says. "You
had better write that down cause I know you'll forget."
"I can remember that," he says, as he begins to lose his
patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream on top," she adds, "I know you'll
forget that, so you'd better write it down."
Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I'll
remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her
a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment
and says,
"You forgot my toast."
******************************